It feels dangerous to admit that I care,
About your behaviour on my blogs.
I am alone in the vulnerability.
And maybe that will never change.
I should contemplate that fact,
Along with the reminder that one day I will be dead,
Every morning,
Before this circus begins.
One thing struck me tonight, as I considered again,
The fact that you may not have visited my world at all today.
Even though I was feeling so bad.
There was a data point that made me think maybe I was mistaken about seeing you.
It felt like a crack in a windscreen.
But then later, I thought ‘maybe it was him’.
And why see problems all the time?
Maybe everything will work out.
I guess the point is that I can not be sure about any of the visits on my blog,
Not that the ones that I thought might be you, were you,
(And it has me thinking, maybe it IS someone else),
Not that they mean that you care about me.
Do you see the problem?
There is nothing solid here.
Nothing but my words is real to me.
So, does that mean I should ignore you completely?
I might avoid a lot of pain.
Or just hold the ambiguity in my mind.
It is a tricky thing to do.
