I find it difficult, if not impossible to ignore you – **at the current time.
I don’t want to ‘open up’ anymore, though. It is embarrassing. And I have no real reason to trust you.
Maybe I just need to re-imagine this conversation (if you can call it that).
I was talking to someone about the messy end of his relationship today. He said he left because ‘he knew that it wasn’t going to get better.’ And that hit home for me.
I want to get out of this holding pattern and live my life. On the weekend I read something that made me realise I am not a priority to you. I don’t think that is magically going to change. I just feel like this toxic loop is getting shorter and smaller. I have no way of knowing if you intend to get in touch at some point. And it feels like holding something like this on the perpetual horizon is not doing our connection any favours. It is certainly messing with me.
So, that is me ‘not opening up’, I guess. Haha.
