So, this seems to be a way that you want me to change. Perhaps you feel that you will be better able to endure me if I was thinner.
I think it is always going to be something. My first reaction is to say ‘just go and find someone you ARE attracted to, and leave me the hell alone to find someone who is attracted to me.’
And so that was what I was going to say, but I did stop to read an article by the School of Life that has been sitting in my open tabs since we started this discussion (again). Here is a quote from the article:
Given the facts of human nature, our own and that of everyone else’s on this wretched planet, how could we be anything other than profoundly, tirelessly committed to change?
School of Life
And this is me. I am thoroughly committed to being a better person than I was. Of growing. Maybe there is a kindness in your suggestion.
Love is not a place to seek support for one’s most compulsive and immature sides; to be backed up in defenses and seek confirmation that one is ok with every last subterfuge and prevarication. Love should give us the bravery to confront our flaws. ‘I want you to change’ is not a sign of cruelty: it’s proof that someone cares.
School of Life
Of course, the School of Life is talking about psychological evolution. They are talking about becoming a better person.
I suspect that if a bit of extra flesh means that much to you, there are going to be all sorts of other things about my physical appearance that are just not going to be ‘good enough’ for you. Things that I can’t change.
I don’t want to be with someone who is constantly judging me about this stuff. I know quite a few men who are much less judgmental. Maybe I should go and find someone more like that.
However, in this instance, there is a possibility that my body weight is something that I can change. And maybe you are right. . . Maybe it WOULD be better.
I notice that you change your behaviour sometimes in response to ways I want you to change. So, perhaps you are open to changing in ways that would make me happy too.
There is a degree of cynicism here, for me, though. I think it is more likely that your girlfriend just went away for a night or a few days, so you could talk to me as some kind of side person. I don’t have enough information yet to make a call on your character. . . Sometimes I think you may be a pig. Sometimes I remember all the nice things you have said to me.
All I can do is notice how you treat me as some indication of your character, I guess.
I hope you have a good day.
