When I start to write that ‘maybe I should come and visit’, because the afternoon has mellowed my soul, I start to feel angry again.
And yet, I want this ‘situation’ to be over in some way.
I just want a quiet life,
Where I don’t talk to Astro, and I don’t care about him,
And this connection is resolved on some level,
So that this space doesn’t trigger a psychosis again.
I guess my concern is that if I leave it up to you, nothing will happen,
And we risk going around this loop again.
I could come to the coast, and watch you let me down again,
Maybe that would be enough of an impetus to let you go.
Or I could refuse and double down on expecting you to get in touch.
We are at a stalemate. Neither of us wants to do what it will take,
So, maybe we should just let it all go.
Say goodbye.
It pisses me off that after all that I have said, after all the ways I have shared my soul, I am still expected to make the (lion’s share of the) effort.
