Blah LaLa (page 10)

wasting all my time

I feel like I want to climb into my shell,

And stay there for the evening.

It feels less and less safe to open up.

And perhaps you’re right – it was someone else from Austria saying those interesting things.

Who knows what any of you were saying about anything.… Read the rest

delete myself

I think it wasn’t you visiting from Austria.

Hell, this place makes me feel bad sometimes.

Do I not have better things to do than analyse whether you did or did not respond to what I said?

It feels rather unworkable.… Read the rest

complaints

Sorry, it feels like I have been complaining a lot lately.

I guess I am just trying to work out how to move forward with this in a way that does not make a mess of my head.

The obvious conclusion is that trying to connect with someone who wants to have a conversation in this way is a complete waste of my time and energy.… Read the rest

the pitfalls of ambiguity

I am not sure if those visits from Austria were you,

And it feels humiliating to even suppose that they were.

Before I can comment I need to get past my very uncomfortable reaction to that kind of ambiguity.

It feels like ice cracking in my head today!… Read the rest

no rational explanation

When I wanted to talk to you after I left a couple of weeks ago,

And when I was missing you,

I would remember all the evenings like these when you disappear.

How it makes me feel.

I think you have a girlfriend at home with you.… Read the rest

grass seeds in socks

It is actually hormones that are making me feel so crappy today, I think.

It seems that peri was going to catch up with me eventually.

I feel like the equivalent of grass seeds in socks, haha.

My day was the opposite of mindfulness.… Read the rest

nothing if not crappy

I feel so aggravated,

And I need a day to re-equilibrate,

But it is not possible to call in sick to my cooking job,

It is a major design flaw.

What if I actually get sick?

I need to re-imagine my working life, I think.… Read the rest

an ill-fitting coat

Ouch…

Could it get any worse?

I feel so disconnected from this person, so removed from reality with them. It feels so awkward, like pieces that won’t fit.

And I keep pouring energy into it.

That much becomes noticeable after a break.… Read the rest

talking to anyone

The truth of the matter is that after analysing some data,

I can’t be sure in any way about which visits come from Turtle,

And which do not.

It was grounds for dissolution in 2017,

This idea that I am connected to a bot.… Read the rest